This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
