five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
