Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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