God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
