I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
