Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
