Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
