I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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