my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
