I need help removing her.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
