If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
