But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
