I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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