i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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