I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Randomize
