I can text with my tongue
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
