Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
