I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
