The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
