What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
