I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
