this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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