The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
