I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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