Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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