Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
