your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
