She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
