I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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