she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
