i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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