it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
