So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
