i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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