Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
