i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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