Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
