Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
