you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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