okay pat passed out under dana's car
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
