I think my vagina is haunted
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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