Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
