umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
