Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
