Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
