How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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