And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
