someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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