are you still at the devil's house?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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