I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How external is "for external use only"?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
