It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
