Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
