I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
