I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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