my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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