dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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