I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
