Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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