I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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